Davon war beim besten Willen nicht auszugehen, war ich doch nicht nur beim Lernen konsequent, sondern auch beim Feiern. Eine fantastische Zeit, in deren Erinnerung ich noch heute gerne bade. Nach dem Studium habe ich angefangen, bei prego services zu arbeiten. Hier stehen Werte nicht nur auf dem Papier. Begonnen habe ich als Systemmanager im Datacenter. Danach war ich Teamleiter und Fachbereichsleiter. Kurz nach dem Studium habe ich meine Frau kennen und lieben gelernt.
Nach etwa anderthalb Jahren zogen wir zusammen und Katrin krempelte meine, respektive unsere Wohnung komplett um. Unsere Blickrichtungen verschoben sich und wir blickten gemeinsam in eine sorgenfreie Zukunft. Vor sieben Jahren kam Frieda zu uns, da war sie ein Jahr alt. Mit Frieda waren wir jedes Wochenende auf Tour. Das war die pure Freiheit nach einer stressigen Arbeitswoche.
Campingplatz eben, da interessieren nicht Titel, Auto oder Kontostand. Es ist mal wieder soweit, ich will was schreiben. Da das Schreiben mit Augensteuerung doch sehr anstrengend ist, konnte ich mich nicht dazu aufraffen. Mein Alltag ist sehr anstrengend geworden. Durch die fehlende Muskulatur ist alles beschwerlich geworden. Auch der Kopf und die Augen machen schlapp. Ein weiterer Punkt ist die Pflegesituation.
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Seit Januar bekomme ich Eins-zu-Eins Intensivpflege. Dies erfolgt durch einen spezialisierten Pflegedienst in einem Drei-Schichtbetrieb, rund um die Uhr, an jedem Tag, den Gott mir schenkt. Nun nach drei Monaten legt sich der Staub und es zeichnen sich Strukturen eines Regelbetriebs ab und eines festen Personenkreises. Seitdem Hochbetrieb im Haus ist, nehmen logischerweise auch die Konversationen zu.
Nun ist es um ein Vielfaches anstrengender zu kommunizieren und ich muss morgens schon ran. Darin enthalten sind drei Schichtwechsel vom Pflegedienst. Erweitert wird es um die aktuelle Verkehrslage, die Benzinpreise oder Kochrezepte. Ach Gott, Du freust Dich ja so. Auch hier steht auf der thematischen Unbedenklichkeitsliste das Wetter auf Platz eins, gefolgt von Verkehrsinformationen.
Es ist der kleinste gemeinsame Nenner und garantiert Gemeinsamkeiten. Allgemein wird sich gern aufgeregt, man freut sich wenig, das Leben ist hart. Ich drifte ab, pardon. Kleiner Haken an der Sache ist, dass von den angefragten namhaften Verlagen niemand will. Das zeigt sich auch an meinem Sprachcomputer. Kein seltenes Szenario. Wichtiges Feature ist allerdings die Sprachfunktion. Ich bin recht fix im Schreiben. Man stellt sich hinter mich, ohne zu fragen und liest, was ich schreibe.
So auch geschehen bei einem unterirdischen Termin vom MDK. Danach war die Stimmung eisig. Einmal mit Profis arbeiten. Das Hilfsmittel Roboterarm wurde abgelehnt. Ich stelle gerade fest, dass es ein ziemlicher Mecker-Artikel wurde. Und glauben Sie mir, ich bin nicht zimperlich und ein Quell der guten Laune. Auch bin ich unheimlich gerne im Recht, insbesondere wenn ich recht habe, und kann diskussionsfreudig diese Sachverhalte zu Ende diskutieren, ganz zu Ende.
Aber wenn wir uns zusammen auf den sicherlich steinigen Weg machen, dann sollte das gegenseitige Wohlergehen eine Herzensangelegenheit sein. Feine, zum Teil sehr unterschiedliche Menschen, besondere Menschen, auf die ich mich freue und die unser Leben bereichern. Ich freue mich auf das, was noch kommt, und vielleicht ist ja auch ein Wunder dabei. When you walk through a storm Hold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark […] Walk on, walk on With hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone.
Es ist einige Zeit vergangenen seit dem letzten Blog. Ziemlich genau zwei Monate. In dieser vermeintlich kurzen Zeit hat sich vieles getan, es waren anstrengende Wochen, inklusive einem emotionalen Weihnachtsfest, zwei Infekten, fehlendem Personal, Besuch vom Hospizdienst und Einstieg in die Intensivpflege. Bis zu diesem Zeitpunkt wurde ich durch meine Frau gepflegt. Mit fortschreitender Krankheit und Kleinkind war dies auf Dauer nicht mehr zu leisten. Wir hatten uns mehrere Dienstleister eingeladen, aus dem Bauch heraus entschieden und eine sehr gute Wahl getroffen.
Wenn es doch geht, warum sollten wir es nicht tun? Probleme schrecken mich nicht, sie treiben mich an. Die Last auf unseren Schultern ist riesig und ich will nicht, dass wir darunter zusammenbrechen. Bis auf Dinge, die ich mit dem Computer machen kann, wird ausnahmslos alles von ihr gestemmt, inklusive Holzhacken — mein Fels in der Brandung.
Daher ist es wichtig, dass jeder seine Auszeiten nehmen kann, so gut es eben geht, und die gewonnene Energie ins Familienleben einbringen kann. Es geht um unser Seelenwohl. Ich bringe nicht mehr die Energie auf, im diplomatischen Chor mit Kreidestimme zu singen. Vor meiner Erkrankung hatte ich immer gescherzt, dass, wenn ich es mal ruhig haben wolle, ich als Krisenvermittler in den Gazastreifen gehe.
Dies klingt im ersten Moment super. Unser Anforderungsprofil war hoch. Verschiedene Agenturen wurden angefragt und schon … wurde niemand gefunden, der unseren Anforderungen entsprach. Ich tanze auf das, was die Kapelle spielt. Zudem gilt der Grundsatz, wer die Musik bezahlt, bestimmt was sie spielt.
Und es wurde kein Capoeira erwartet, sondern ein Standardtanz. Nach einem Agenturwechsel haben wir eine sehr gute Kraft gefunden. Aufgrund meines Krankheitsverlauf war zudem klar, dass diese Betreuungsform ebenso an ihre Grenzen gekommen ist. Seit Januar werde ich nun zu Hause im Dreischicht-System gepflegt. In diesem Prozess bin ich noch mittendrin. Und so kommt es, dass es menschelt.
Nichts Offensichtliche bleibt verborgen. Mit der Intensivpflege kommt mehr ins Haus als Hilfe beim Waschen. Was macht es mit mir? Ich bin nur einer unter vielen. Kennen Sie die noch? Ich war immer im Treiben, liebte es stressig und war immer festen, flotten Schrittes auf der Arbeit unterwegs.
Beruflich bedingt verbrachte ich viel Zeit auf der Autobahn. Ich mochte es. Es waren tolle Fahrten. Zuhause ging es dann in strammer Taktung weiter. Heute sieht das etwas anders aus. Die Einnahme der Tabletten im Bett ist schwierig. Intelligente Fragen werden vorausgesetzt, ich bitte um Verstand.
Nachdem die Tabletten Wirkung zeigen, kann es beschwingt losgehen. Ich werde in den Rollstuhl transferiert, dann in den Treppenlift umgesetzt, ins Erdgeschoss gefahren, in den elektrischen Rollstuhl umgesetzt und ab ins Bad. Meine Mitarbeit erfordert von mir hohe Konzentration. Ich erspare Ihnen Details.
Der gesamte Ablauf im Bad ist ziemlich genau orchestriert. Es braucht Geduld und vor allem keine Hektik. Es bedarf dann eines manuellen Eingriffs. Ebenso ist es im Bett. Aktiv meint, dass ich beobachtet werden muss. Denn wenn ich in der Maske erbrechen sollte oder mich verschlucke, bleibt nicht viel Zeit, um die Maske zu entfernen, ansonsten ersticke ich. So einfach ist das. The useless cruelty of his refusal had passed unnoticed.
Indeed, the man who had come up the stairway to summon him had hurried away without hearing the refusal. All of this, Doctor Parcival did not know and when George Willard came to his office he found the man shaking with terror. German adventure: Abenteuer, Erlebniss, Schicksale, Schicksal.
Winesburg, Ohio 42 Do I not know what will happen? Word of my refusal will be whispered about. Presently men will get together in groups and talk of it. They will come here. We will quarrel and there will be talk of hanging. Then they will come again bearing a rope in their hands. It may be put off until tonight but I will be hanged. Everyone will get excited. I will be hanged to a lamp-post on Main Street. When he returned the fright that had been in his eyes was beginning to be replaced by doubt. Coming on tiptoe across the room he tapped George Willard on the shoulder.
The idea is very simple, so simple that if you are not careful you will forget it. It is this--that everyone in the world is Christ and they are all crucified. That s what I want to say. Don t you forget that. Whatever happens, don t you dare let yourself forget. The night was warm and cloudy and although it was not yet eight o clock, the alleyway back of the Eagle office was pitch dark. A team of horses tied to a post somewhere in the darkness stamped on the hard-baked ground.
A cat sprang from under George Willard s feet and ran away into the night. The young man was nervous. All day he had gone about his work like one dazed by a blow. In the alleyway he trembled as though with fright. In the darkness George Willard walked along the alleyway, going carefully and cautiously. The back doors of the Winesburg stores were open and he could see men sitting about under the store lamps.
In Myerbaum s Notion Store Mrs. Willy the saloon keeper s wife stood by the counter with a basket on her arm. Sid Green the clerk was waiting on her. He leaned over the counter and talked earnestly. George Willard crouched and then jumped through the path of light that came out at the door.
He began to run forward in the darkness. Behind Ed Griffith s saloon old Jerry Bird the town drunkard lay asleep on the ground. The runner stumbled over the sprawling legs. He laughed brokenly. German arose: entstand, entstanden, entstandst, entstandet, gingt auf, ging auf, gingst auf, entsprangst, gingen auf, entsprangt, entsprangen. Winesburg, Ohio 44 George Willard had set forth upon an adventure. All day he had been trying to make up his mind to go through with the adventure and now he was acting. In the office of the Winesburg Eagle he had been sitting since six o clock trying to think.
He had just jumped to his feet, hurried past Will Henderson who was reading proof in the print-shop and started to run along the alleyway. Through street after street went George Willard, avoiding the people who passed.
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He crossed and re-crossed the road. When he passed a street lamp he pulled his hat down over his face.
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He did not dare think. In his mind there was a fear but it was a new kind of fear. He was afraid the adventure on which he had set out would be spoiled, that he would lose courage and turn back. George Willard found Louise Trunnion in the kitchen of her father s house. She was washing dishes by the light of a kerosene lamp.
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There she stood behind the screen door in the little shed-like kitchen at the back of the house. George Willard stopped by a picket fence and tried to control the shaking of his body. Only a narrow potato patch separated him from the adventure. Five minutes passed before he felt sure enough of himself to call to her. Oh, Louise! The cry stuck in his throat.
His voice became a hoarse whisper. Louise Trunnion came out across the potato patch holding the dish cloth in her hand.
In silence the two stood in the darkness with the fence between them. I ll come along. You wait by Williams barn. It had come that morning to the office of the Winesburg Eagle. The letter was brief. He thought it annoying that in the darkness by the fence she had pretended there was nothing between them. Sherwood Anderson 45 along the street and passed a row of vacant lots where corn grew.
The corn was shoulder high and had been planted right down to the sidewalk. There was no hat on her head. The boy could see her standing with the doorknob in her hand talking to someone within, no doubt to old Jake Trunnion, her father. Old Jake was half deaf and she shouted. The door closed and everything was dark and silent in the little side street.
George Willard trembled more violently than ever. In the shadows by Williams barn George and Louise stood, not daring to talk. She was not particularly comely and there was a black smudge on the side of her nose. George thought she must have rubbed her nose with her finger after she had been handling some of the kitchen pots. The young man began to laugh nervously. He wanted to touch her with his hand. Just to touch the folds of the soiled gingham dress would, he decided, be an exquisite pleasure. She began to quibble. Don t tell me, I guess I know," she said drawing closer to him.
A flood of words burst from George Willard. He remembered the look that had lurked in the girl s eyes when they had met on the streets and thought of the note she had written. Doubt left him. The whispered tales concerning her that had gone about town gave him confidence.
He became wholly the male, bold and aggressive. In his heart there was no sympathy for her. There won t be anyone know anything. How can they know? They began to walk along a narrow brick sidewalk between the cracks of which tall weeds grew. Some of the bricks were missing and the sidewalk was rough and irregular. He took hold of her hand that was also rough and thought it delightfully small. Winesburg, Ohio 46 They crossed a bridge that ran over a tiny stream and passed another vacant lot in which corn grew.
The street ended. In the path at the side of the road they were compelled to walk one behind the other. Will Overton s berry field lay beside the road and there was a pile of boards. Three times he walked up and down the length of Main Street. Sylvester West s Drug Store was still open and he went in and bought a cigar. When Shorty Crandall the clerk came out at the door with him he was pleased. For five minutes the two stood in the shelter of the store awning and talked. George Willard felt satisfied. He had wanted more than anything else to talk to some man.
Around a corner toward the New Willard House he went whistling softly. On the sidewalk at the side of Winney s Dry Goods Store where there was a high board fence covered with circus pictures, he stopped whistling and stood perfectly still in the darkness, attentive, listening as though for a voice calling his name. Then again he laughed nervously. Nobody knows," he muttered doggedly and went on his way. German awning: Markise, Sonnensegel, Plane. Three of the old people were women and sisters to Jesse. They were a colorless, soft voiced lot. Then there was a silent old man with thin white hair who was Jesse s uncle.
It was in reality not one house but a cluster of houses joined together in a rather haphazard manner. Inside, the place was full of surprises. One went up steps from the living room into the dining room and there were always steps to be ascended or descended in passing from one room to another. At meal times the place was like a beehive. At one moment all was quiet, then doors began to open, feet clattered on stairs, a murmur of soft voices arose and people appeared from a dozen obscure corners. Besides the old people, already mentioned, many others lived in the Bentley house. There were four hired men, a woman named Aunt Callie Beebe, who was in charge of the housekeeping, a dull-witted girl named Eliza Stoughton, who made beds and helped with the milking, a boy who worked in the stables, and Jesse Bentley himself, the owner and overlord of it all.
German ascended: stiegst, gestiegen, stieg, stiegen, stiegt, aufgestiegen, stiegst auf, stiegt auf, stiegen auf, stieg auf, erstiegst. Sherwood Anderson 49 By the time the American Civil War had been over for twenty years, that part of Northern Ohio where the Bentley farms lay had begun to emerge from pioneer life.
Jesse then owned machinery for harvesting grain. He had built modern barns and most of his land was drained with carefully laid tile drain, but in order to understand the man we will have to go back to an earlier day. They came from New York State and took up land when the country was new and land could be had at a low price. For a long time they, in common with all the other Middle Western people, were very poor. The land they had settled upon was heavily wooded and covered with fallen logs and underbrush. After the long hard labor of clearing these away and cutting the timber, there were still the stumps to be reckoned with.
Plows run through the fields caught on hidden roots, stones lay all about, on the low places water gathered, and the young corn turned yellow, sickened and died. When Jesse Bentley s father and brothers had come into their ownership of the place, much of the harder part of the work of clearing had been done, but they clung to old traditions and worked like driven animals.
They lived as practically all of the farming people of the time lived. In the spring and through most of the winter the highways leading into the town of Winesburg were a sea of mud. The four young men of the family worked hard all day in the fields, they ate heavily of coarse, greasy food, and at night slept like tired beasts on beds of straw. Into their lives came little that was not coarse and brutal and outwardly they were themselves coarse and brutal. On Saturday afternoons they hitched a team of horses to a three-seated wagon and went off to town.
In town they stood about the stoves in the stores talking to other farmers or to the store keepers. They were dressed in overalls and in the winter wore heavy coats that were flecked with mud. Their hands as they stretched them out to the heat of the stoves were cracked and red. It was difficult for them to talk and so they for the most part kept silent. When they had bought meat, flour, sugar, and salt, they went into one of the Winesburg saloons and drank beer. Under the influence of drink the naturally strong lusts of their natures, kept suppressed by German afternoons: Nachmittage.
Winesburg, Ohio 50 the heroic labor of breaking up new ground, were released. A kind of crude and animal-like poetic fervor took possession of them. On the road home they stood up on the wagon seats and shouted at the stars. Sometimes they fought long and bitterly and at other times they broke forth into songs. Once Enoch Bentley, the older one of the boys, struck his father, old Tom Bentley, with the butt of a teamster s whip, and the old man seemed likely to die. For days Enoch lay hid in the straw in the loft of the stable ready to flee if the result of his momentary passion turned out to be murder.
He was kept alive with food brought by his mother, who also kept him informed of the injured man s condition. When all turned out well he emerged from his hiding place and went back to the work of clearing land as though nothing had happened. Enoch, Edward, Harry, and Will Bentley all enlisted and before the long war ended they were all killed. For a time after they went away to the South, old Tom tried to run the place, but he was not successful.
When the last of the four had been killed he sent word to Jesse that he would have to come home. Then the mother, who had not been well for a year, died suddenly, and the father became altogether discouraged. He talked of selling the farm and moving into town. All day he went about shaking his head and muttering. The work in the fields was neglected and weeds grew high in the corn. Old Tim hired men but he did not use them intelligently. When they had gone away to the fields in the morning he wandered into the woods and sat down on a log.
Sometimes he forgot to come home at night and one of the daughters had to go in search of him. When Jesse Bentley came home to the farm and began to take charge of things he was a slight, sensitive-looking man of twenty-two. At eighteen he had left home to go to school to become a scholar and eventually to become a minister of the Presbyterian Church.
All through his boyhood he had been what in our country was called an "odd sheep" and had not got on with his brothers. Of all the family only his mother had understood him and she was now dead. German boyhood: Jugend, Kindheit. Sherwood Anderson 51 When he came home to take charge of the farm, that had at that time grown to more than six hundred acres, everyone on the farms about and in the nearby town of Winesburg smiled at the idea of his trying to handle the work that had been done by his four strong brothers.
By the standards of his day Jesse did not look like a man at all. He was small and very slender and womanish of body and, true to the traditions of young ministers, wore a long black coat and a narrow black string tie. The neighbors were amused when they saw him, after the years away, and they were even more amused when they saw the woman he had married in the city.
As a matter of fact, Jesse s wife did soon go under. That was perhaps Jesse s fault. A farm in Northern Ohio in the hard years after the Civil War was no place for a delicate woman, and Katherine Bentley was delicate. Jesse was hard with her as he was with everybody about him in those days.
She tried to do such work as all the neighbor women about her did and he let her go on without interference. She helped to do the milking and did part of the housework; she made the beds for the men and prepared their food.
Der verletzte Mann
For a year she worked every day from sunrise until late at night and then after giving birth to a child she died. As for Jesse Bentley--although he was a delicately built man there was something within him that could not easily be killed. He had brown curly hair and grey eyes that were at times hard and direct, at times wavering and uncertain. Not only was he slender but he was also short of stature. His mouth was like the mouth of a sensitive and very determined child. Jesse Bentley was a fanatic. He was a man born out of his time and place and for this he suffered and made others suffer. Never did he succeed in getting what he wanted out of fife and he did not know what he wanted.
Within a very short time after he came home to the Bentley farm he made everyone there a little afraid of him, and his wife, who should have been close to him as his mother had been, was afraid also. At the end of two weeks after his coming, old Tom Bentley made over to him the entire ownership of the place and retired into the background. Everyone German acres: Morgen. In spite of his youth and inexperience, Jesse had the trick of mastering the souls of his people.
He was so in earnest in everything he did and said that no one understood him. He made everyone on the farm work as they had never worked before and yet there was no joy in the work. If things went well they went well for Jesse and never for the people who were his dependents. Like a thousand other strong men who have come into the world here in America in these later times, Jesse was but half strong. He could master others but he could not master himself. The running of the farm as it had never been run before was easy for him.
When he came home from Cleveland where he had been in school, he shut himself off from all of his people and began to make plans. He thought about the farm night and day and that made him successful. Other men on the farms about him worked too hard and were too fired to think, but to think of the farm and to be everlastingly making plans for its success was a relief to Jesse. It partially satisfied something in his passionate nature.
Immediately after he came home he had a wing built on to the old house and in a large room facing the west he had windows that looked into the barnyard and other windows that looked off across the fields. By the window he sat down to think. Hour after hour and day after day he sat and looked over the land and thought out his new place in life. The passionate burning thing in his nature flamed up and his eyes became hard.
He wanted to make the farm produce as no farm in his state had ever produced before and then he wanted something else. It was the indefinable hunger within that made his eyes waver and that kept him always more and more silent before people. He would have given much to achieve peace and in him was a fear that peace was the thing he could not achieve. All over his body Jesse Bentley was alive. In his small frame was gathered the force of a long line of strong men. He had always been extraordinarily alive when he was a small boy on the farm and later when he was a young man in school.
In the school he had studied and thought of God and the Bible with his whole mind and heart. As time passed and he grew to know people better, he began to think of himself as an extraordinary man, one set apart from his fellows. He wanted terribly to make his life a thing of great importance, and as German barnyard: Scheunenhof. Sherwood Anderson 53 he looked about at his fellow men and saw how like clods they lived it seemed to him that he could not bear to become also such a clod.
Although in his absorption in himself and in his own destiny he was blind to the fact that his young wife was doing a strong woman s work even after she had become large with child and that she was killing herself in his service, he did not intend to be unkind to her. When his father, who was old and twisted with toil, made over to him the ownership of the farm and seemed content to creep away to a corner and wait for death, he shrugged his shoulders and dismissed the old man from his mind.
In the stables he could hear the tramping of his horses and the restless movement of his cattle. Away in the fields he could see other cattle wandering over green hills. The voices of men, his men who worked for him, came in to him through the window. From the milkhouse there was the steady thump, thump of a churn being manipulated by the half-witted girl, Eliza Stoughton.
Jesse s mind went back to the men of Old Testament days who had also owned lands and herds. He remembered how God had come down out of the skies and talked to these men and he wanted God to notice and to talk to him also. A kind of feverish boyish eagerness to in some way achieve in his own life the flavor of significance that had hung over these men took possession of him. Being a prayerful man he spoke of the matter aloud to God and the sound of his own words strengthened and fed his eagerness.
O God, create in me another Jesse, like that one of old, to rule over men and to be the father of sons who shall be rulers! In fancy he saw himself living in old times and among old peoples. The land that lay stretched out before him became of vast significance, a place peopled by his fancy with a new race of men sprung from himself. Winesburg, Ohio 54 and new impulses given to the lives of men by the power of God speaking through a chosen servant. He longed to be such a servant. In the last fifty years a vast change has taken place in the lives of our people. A revolution has in fact taken place.
The coming of industrialism, attended by all the roar and rattle of affairs, the shrill cries of millions of new voices that have come among us from overseas, the going and coming of trains, the growth of cities, the building of the interurban car lines that weave in and out of towns and past farmhouses, and now in these later days the coming of the automobiles has worked a tremendous change in the lives and in the habits of thought of our people of Mid-America.
Books, badly imagined and written though they may be in the hurry of our times, are in every household, magazines circulate by the millions of copies, newspapers are everywhere. In our day a farmer standing by the stove in the store in his village has his mind filled to overflowing with the words of other men. The newspapers and the magazines have pumped him full. Much of the old brutal ignorance that had in it also a kind of beautiful childlike innocence is gone forever.
The farmer by the stove is brother to the men of the cities, and if you listen you will find him talking as glibly and as senselessly as the best city man of us all. In Jesse Bentley s time and in the country districts of the whole Middle West in the years after the Civil War it was not so. Men labored too hard and were too tired to read.
In them was no desire for words printed upon paper. As they worked in the fields, vague, half-formed thoughts took possession of them. They believed in God and in God s power to control their lives. In the little Protestant churches they gathered on Sunday to hear of God and his works. The churches were the center of the social and intellectual life of the times. The figure of God was big in the hearts of men. German automobiles: Autos. Sherwood Anderson 55 And so, having been born an imaginative child and having within him a great intellectual eagerness, Jesse Bentley had turned wholeheartedly toward God.
When the war took his brothers away, he saw the hand of God in that. When his father became ill and could no longer attend to the running of the farm, he took that also as a sign from God. In the city, when the word came to him, he walked about at night through the streets thinking of the matter and when he had come home and had got the work on the farm well under way, he went again at night to walk through the forests and over the low hills and to think of God.
He grew avaricious and was impatient that the farm contained only six hundred acres. Kneeling in a fence corner at the edge of some meadow, he sent his voice abroad into the silence and looking up he saw the stars shining down at him. One evening, some months after his father s death, and when his wife Katherine was expecting at any moment to be laid abed of childbirth, Jesse left his house and went for a long walk.
The Bentley farm was situated in a tiny valley watered by Wine Creek, and Jesse walked along the banks of the stream to the end of his own land and on through the fields of his neighbors. As he walked the valley broadened and then narrowed again. Great open stretches of field and wood lay before him. The moon came out from behind clouds, and, climbing a low hill, he sat down to think.
Jesse thought that as the true servant of God the entire stretch of country through which he had walked should have come into his possession. He thought of his dead brothers and blamed them that they had not worked harder and achieved more. Before him in the moonlight the tiny stream ran down over stones, and he began to think of the men of old times who like himself had owned flocks and lands. A fantastic impulse, half fear, half greediness, took possession of Jesse Bentley.
He remembered how in the old Bible story the Lord had appeared to that other Jesse and told him to send his son David to where Saul and the men of German abed: im Bett. Into Jesse s mind came the conviction that all of the Ohio farmers who owned land in the valley of Wine Creek were Philistines and enemies of God.
Jumping to his feet, he began to run through the night. As he ran he called to God. His voice carried far over the low hills. Let Thy grace alight upon me. Send me a son to be called David who shall help me to pluck at last all of these lands out of the hands of the Philistines and turn them to Thy service and to the building of Thy kingdom on earth.
When he was twelve years old he went to the old Bentley place to live. His mother, Louise Bentley, the girl who came into the world on that night when Jesse ran through the fields crying to God that he be given a son, had grown to womanhood on the farm and had married young John Hardy of Winesburg, who became a banker. Louise and her husband did not live happily together and everyone agreed that she was to blame. She was a small woman with sharp grey eyes and black hair. From childhood she had been inclined to fits of temper and when not angry she was often morose and silent. In Winesburg it was said that she drank.
Her husband, the banker, who was a careful, shrewd man, tried hard to make her happy. When he began to make money he bought for her a large brick house on Elm Street in Winesburg and he was the first man in that town to keep a manservant to drive his wife s carriage. But Louise could not be made happy. She flew into half insane fits of temper during which she was sometimes silent, sometimes noisy and quarrelsome.
German Films in the Department
She swore and cried out in her anger. She got a knife from the kitchen and threatened her husband s life. Once she deliberately set fire to the house, and often she hid herself away for days in her own room and would see no one. Winesburg, Ohio 58 life, lived as a half recluse, gave rise to all sorts of stories concerning her. It was said that she took drugs and that she hid herself away from people because she was often so under the influence of drink that her condition could not be concealed. Sometimes on summer afternoons she came out of the house and got into her carriage.
Dismissing the driver she took the reins in her own hands and drove off at top speed through the streets. If a pedestrian got in her way she drove straight ahead and the frightened citizen had to escape as best he could. To the people of the town it seemed as though she wanted to run them down.
When she had driven through several streets, tearing around corners and beating the horses with the whip, she drove off into the country. On the country roads after she had gotten out of sight of the houses she let the horses slow down to a walk and her wild, reckless mood passed. She became thoughtful and muttered words. Sometimes tears came into her eyes. And then when she came back into town she again drove furiously through the quiet streets.
But for the influence of her husband and the respect he inspired in people s minds she would have been arrested more than once by the town marshal. He was too young then to have opinions of his own about people, but at times it was difficult for him not to have very definite opinions about the woman who was his mother. David was always a quiet, orderly boy and for a long time was thought by the people of Winesburg to be something of a dullard. His eyes were brown and as a child he had a habit of looking at things and people a long time without appearing to see what he was looking at.
When he heard his mother spoken of harshly or when he overheard her berating his father, he was frightened and ran away to hide. Sometimes he could not find a hiding place and that confused him. Turning his face toward a tree or if he was indoors toward the wall, he closed his eyes and tried not to think of anything. He had a habit of talking aloud to himself, and early in life a spirit of quiet sadness often took possession of him. On the occasions when David went to visit his grandfather on the Bentley farm, he was altogether contented and happy.
Often he wished that he would German berating: ausschaltend, Schimpfen, Auszankend, ausscheltend. Sherwood Anderson 59 never have to go back to town and once when he had come home from the farm after a long visit, something happened that had a lasting effect on his mind. The man was in a hurry to go about his own affairs and left the boy at the head of the street in which the Hardy house stood.
It was early dusk of a fall evening and the sky was overcast with clouds. Something happened to David. He could not bear to go into the house where his mother and father lived, and on an impulse he decided to run away from home. He intended to go back to the farm and to his grandfather, but lost his way and for hours he wandered weeping and frightened on country roads. It started to rain and lightning flashed in the sky.
The boy s imagination was excited and he fancied that he could see and hear strange things in the darkness. Into his mind came the conviction that he was walking and running in some terrible void where no one had ever been before. The darkness about him seemed limitless. The sound of the wind blowing in trees was terrifying. When a team of horses approached along the road in which he walked he was frightened and climbed a fence. Through a field he ran until he came into another road and getting upon his knees felt of the soft ground with his fingers.
But for the figure of his grandfather, whom he was afraid he would never find in the darkness, he thought the world must be altogether empty. When his cries were heard by a farmer who was walking home from town and he was brought back to his father s house, he was so tired and excited that he did not know what was happening to him.
By chance David s father knew that he had disappeared. On the street he had met the farm hand from the Bentley place and knew of his son s return to town. When the boy did not come home an alarm was set up and John Hardy with several men of the town went to search the country. The report that David had been kidnapped ran about through the streets of Winesburg.
When he came home there were no lights in the house, but his mother appeared and clutched him eagerly in her arms. David thought she had suddenly become another woman. He could not believe that so delightful a thing had happened. With her own hands Louise Hardy bathed his tired young body and cooked him food. German bathed: badete, badeten, badetest, badetet, gebadet. Winesburg, Ohio 60 She would not let him go to bed but, when he had put on his nightgown, blew out the lights and sat down in a chair to hold him in her arms.
For an hour the woman sat in the darkness and held her boy. All the time she kept talking in a low voice. David could not understand what had so changed her. Her habitually dissatisfied face had become, he thought, the most peaceful and lovely thing he had ever seen. When he began to weep she held him more and more tightly. On and on went her voice. It was not harsh or shrill as when she talked to her husband, but was like rain falling on trees.
Presently men began coming to the door to report that he had not been found, but she made him hide and be silent until she had sent them away. He thought it must be a game his mother and the men of the town were playing with him and laughed joyously. Into his mind came the thought that his having been lost and frightened in the darkness was an altogether unimportant matter. He thought that he would have been willing to go through the frightful experience a thousand times to be sure of finding at the end of the long black road a thing so lovely as his mother had suddenly become.
Still he could not get her figure out of his mind and as he grew older it became more definite. When he was twelve years old he went to the Bentley farm to live. Old Jesse came into town and fairly demanded that he be given charge of the boy. The old man was excited and determined on having his own way.
Psycholinguistic Approaches to Meaning and Understanding across Languages. Front Matter Pages i-xii. Introduction: Meaning Across Languages. Pages Cross-Linguistic Variation in the Processing of Aspect. Referring Expressions in Speech Reports. About this book Introduction Reports on joint work by researchers from different theoretical and linguistic backgrounds offer new insights on the interaction of linguistic code and context in language production and comprehension.
Anaphoric contexts in Brazilian Portugese Bare nouns Conversational implicatures in anaphora resolution Cross-linguistic studies Experimental linguistics From verbs to discourse Pairing form and meaning in English and Norwegian Understanding coordinate clauses in Czech and English understanding coordinate clauses in German and Norwegian.